Mari Mari Mari.

OH BOY!
I haven't blogged in like, 5,670,124,001 YEARS!
Okay, maybe not.
But I have way too many stories to tell already, and June isn't even over yet! D:
Well, I won't bore you, but let's just say that I recently had a rough patch of love.
It sucked.
I bitched out at the guy I like because of something that happened that left me crying in the bathroom at midnight. (long story.)
And we texted from ten pm to two am last night, so I'm exhausted right now. But I feel goood. Damn good, I must say.
I have to tell you: do whatever you can do to make you feel strong. Learn from everything, and I swear I've kinda learned that something good always comes from it.
I got the guy I like to confess to me how he actually felt, and I got him to apologize like crazy, and I now know that he likes me so much, it's not even funny! :p
Well, I must go. I have footloose rehearsal after footloose rehearsal, and I have yet another one tonight.
YOU HAVE TO COME SEE IT. You wouldn't regret it. :)

Love,
Mari.

Maybe not.
I miss things.
And I have confused feelings that better yet: I have to deal with them alone all summer long!
Ahhh. The only upside is no freaking homework. I hate that.
But anyway, I really don't have a lot of time. Going swimming with some people, but I just thought I'd leave a post to let people know that I'm still alive. :)

Byeee!

Here are my goodest friends.

Erica: You are my blubber buddy forever. :) I don't even know how we created that, but somehow we did. I wanna hang like CRAZY this summer and everyday for that matter!!!!! i luffff ya babeeee!!!! :D

Megan: I like you. Nom nom nom. End of story. :) You amaze me. You make me giggle too hard. The hole in my heart can't take it. :p

Grace: You are my mother. I am your daughter. You are more excited for my life events than i am sometimes.....it's pretty nice. :) You are also a goodest buddy o' mine. :p We need to sit on the air mattress and watch What a Girl Wants eating popcorn and playing truth or dare .....and playing badminton over the clothes line.

Kathleen: You clean with me. Ewww. You're a freak. Nah. JK. I love you, and I greatly appreciate everything that you do for me. :p ZEUT.

Sometimes I feel like there is no emotion left in me.
Sometimes I feel like there is too much emotion in me.
Sometimes I feel like there is no meaning to the world.
Sometimes I feel purpose.

Everyday I feel dead.
Everyday I feel alive.
Everyday I feel angry at everything.
Everyday I feel grateful for everything that is coming my way.

Nobody understands.
Everybody understands.

Emotion drives us.
It pushes us to do the things we do.
Well, that and common sense....hopefully.

Sorry....random post.
I do that sometimes.

xp

mari.

You don't have a fat face.
End of story.

Commonly when you think about life, and get all philisophical, things are deeper.
Thoughts are less dirty, and more pure, and most of all, it seems peaceful.
Life in color is exciting. To me, at least. I would hate to live in a black and white world. Everything would be gray.
I wanna walk into a room with variety: different and exciting colors, that I like to think of them as- personalities.
Everyone's personality is like their own color. You could be yellow, blue, black, red, purple. green, or maybe even brown or gray!
So my question is
"why do people live their lives in black and white"
"why don't we take risks? And except the results and learn from whatever mistakes we make instead of trying to avoid them?"
"why watch someone frown, when you could make them smile?"

To me, it's all about color. Let your true colors unravel, and people with attract to you.
Live in excitement and don't be afraid of change.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. It's the only way we can be a truly happy person living a truly happy life.
Living in black and white is like living everyday doing to the same thing, and not saying a single word about it.
Yet living in color is exploring, fun, maybe a bit crazy, but in my opinion, worth it in the end.

Live in color!
Mari.

Woo!
This weekend was so much fun. Probably one of the best weekends I have had for a very long time. I have a group of friends who are seniors this year, and I hung out with them all weekend.

Friday:
First we went to OIP to eat pizza. Then we went mini golfing (I was a hazard to everyone around me.....I got confused. :p). Next, I spent the night at my friend Nicole's house, and at around ten, her me and Aj went to see Obsessed at the movie theatre for free. (they both work there.) It was a freaky movie!!!! And the next morning I went home early and I was forced to eat taco flavored doritos and they sucked. Thanks Aj. Oh! And we rode bikes and danced too!!!! :)

Saturday night:
We went bowling, and I sucked. Bad. But I cheered for every gutter ball I recieved!! THEN! We went to taco bell!!!!!!! Aj won me a bean burrito from this stupid little game thing...and I ate it. And we all talked and mingled and had a grand old time, until we realized that we had to go. :(((( Well, we began walking out, and my older guy friend asked: "Hey Mari, what are you doing on May 30th?" and immediately Nicole and her boyfriend, Scott's heads whipped around. I said: "May 30th? I don't think I have anything planned....." and THEN he said: "would you like to go to prom with me?" and Nicoles face lit up. I swear. She said: "Oh my gosh that would be so much fun!!!!" so yeah!

I'm going to prom. I think it'll be fun. But I'm very private about things, so I'm not gonna tell you about it directly unless if your a close friend, but if you ask me a question concerning it, I will certainly answer, but if I find out your telling everybody EVERYTHING I will slap you. :p

But I'm kinda excited. This should be fun if it all works out.

Good to the bye.
Marrrrrrrri.

Now, at times everyone feels insecure. I don't mean to get all Oprah on ya, but-
HEY!!! Oprah is a very inspirational woman! What are you talkin bout fooool?!?!

Anyway. but I think it's time I opened your eyes. Because I have at last, I think, opened my own. Okay. Look around you. Not at the tv screen, magazine covers, or the internet. I mean at everyday people. Not that stunning right? Right. Exactly. We all probably know by now that the media is full of crap- goreous, perfect appearing people that make you wanna vomit at your own reflection. The normal person is just like you. Imperfect- or perfect in their own ways. Either was is fine to look at it. Instead of saying ughhhhhh at your mirror, say wow. God has made me a very special, and unique, and BEAUTIFUL human being. Just like everyone.

Who defines beauty? Big? Little? Perfect? No one does. It's all based on opinion. We can all look at someone and say, "oh my gosh, I wish I looked that way. They have the most amazing eyes, or a perfect butt." That's nice and all, but still, an opinion.

All in all, I will continue next time, but my point:

Love yourself for who you really are. Don't compare yourself. That's not fair to both yourself, or the person you are comparing yourself too.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is when everybody points out everyone's flaws.
I'm not speaking from a direct incedent, but it does happen to everybody a lot, and it really pisses me off.

Cuz sometimes people have no right doing that when they haven't even looked in the mirror themselves. Whether it be a physical trait or a personality trait that's supposedly "flawed."

This sounds very corny but I believe everyone is "perfect" even though perfection has its flaws, I think that everyone is perfect in their own unique way- flaws and all. So to all you people who do that, (including myself: everyone does, it's human instinct.) think twice before you point out something about someone else, when really, you have no idea what that person could think of you.


“Let every man judge according to his own standards, by what he has himself read, not by what others tell him.”- Albert einstein

I am sorry to admit to all of you that I am currently not in love.
I would love to be in love, yes, but I will wait for the right person for ME.
Not because someone wants me too, or not because I have to.
I need to want to. Or else it isn't special.
I have found myself being very lonely lately, which is strange,
because for a while there, I haven't really minded being single.
It kinda sucks now. Everything that you see and read now is based on it.
It surrounds me.
It suffocates me.
And now I want it.

I recently got a comment from someone i don't know that actualy made pure sense to me, and I feel that I need to apologize.

Those of you who know me personally, do know that I have issues with my father.
I really don't mean to bash him so much on my blog, but most of the time, when I am troubled by something, or upset about something, (no lie) it is usually involving my father in some way, shape or form.
I'm really not the type of person to sit there and type terrible things about people, but sometimes when I need to just let things out, they come out completely wrong. Especially about my dad. I'm sorry if I came across as that type of person, but I want everyone to know that i'm not. I do not want to be percieved that way.
But I have to tell you that I absolutely hate being compared to people in a belittling way, and I get that at home almost constantly, and it can get to the point where I feel a deep form of remorse and i wollow forever.

Once again, I'm sorry if I seem rude toward my father, and believe me, I know my father has feelings but sometimes he doesn't even bother to spare mine, so I didn't really feel so bad at the moment to bash him. My blog is not about that. At all.
I'm sorry, also, because I thought a blog was to let out how you feel, and thats all that I was doing. I deleted those posts, and yet again:

Sorry.

From,
Mari.

aint he amazin?!?! he is my new role model. I LOVE YOU PEE WEE!!!!!!

It's opening night, and I feel fabulous.
I have a nice content feeling with good stage fright...
it's better than vomiting, I suppose. :p
Well, as I have previously mentioned, I am a bird in this production.
A loud, obnoxious one- not a hard role for me to play.
I won't give away any surprises as to what I'll do (muwahaha.)
But I will tell you that YOU NEED TO GO.
It's awesome.
It's hilarious, and funny, and a great way to fill a few hours.
It's tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. 7:30, 7:30, and 2:00.
Be there, or.....be there.

Love,
Mayanne.

Mr. TEDDY BEAR
By: Marianne Nunn

Being in my own little world in my bedroom, I never bothered to think of what was actually going on in the outside world at this very moment in time. Was there fighting? Were people crying? Would they accept me if I entered it? Would I be immediately shunned as soon as I opened the door? Probably….probably not. It’s a confusing world to live in- which is why I have found my own.
My world consists of three things: paper, pencils, and my teddy bear: Sam. Sam is my best friend. My only friend, to be honest with you. He’s the only one that truly understands me, and listens to me…..he talks to me.
“HELLO MR. TEDDY BEAR! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE, BUDDY OL’ PAL!” I exclaim.
He stares at me, and after five minutes in silence, I hear a slight whisper. “Hello….hello……hello, love” he says. Oh, how I love this teddy bear stuffed with so much fluff!
“HOW ARE YOU TODAY MR. TEDDY BEAR?”
5 more silent minutes without a response. Then, the familiar whisper came to me again. “Good….good….good, love.”
“EXCELLENT MR. TEDDY BEAR. I CRIED TODAY: PEOPLE THREW ROCKS AT ME AND TOLD ME TO DIE……WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT MR. TEDDY BEAR?”
This time, it took him 8 minutes to answer. I waited, because he is so important to me, and I want nothing more, than to simply give him what he wants. It came eventually though….that sexy, smooth whisper I loved. “Terrible…terrible…terrible, love.”
“IT IS QUITE UNFORTUNATE THAT THEY ALL WANT ME TO DIE MR. TEDDY BEAR. IT’S VERY NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.”
Only, seconds later: a response. “Sleep now….sleep now…..sleep now, love.”
I listen. I always listen to Mr. Teddy Bear. I lay my head down, and close my eyes and drift to a land where me, and my Mr. Teddy Bear are together…forever.
It is midnight- Mr. Teddy Bear is staring at me.
“HELLO MR. TEDDY BEAR! IT IS QUITE THE DELIGHT TO SEE YOU SO LATE AT NIGHT. TEE. HEE. HEE.”
“Teehee…teehee….teehee, love.” His response came strangely too quick.
“WHAT IS WRONG MR. TEDDY BEAR? ARE YOU HUNGRY? DO YOU WANT MAMA TO GIVE YOU SOME LOVING?”
“Done….done…..done, love.”
“WHAT?”
“Die….die….die, love.”
“YOU’RE SO SILLY MR. TEDDY BEAR. YOU LOVE ME. NO ONE ELSE DOES: JUST YOU.”
“Sorry…sorry…sorry, love.”
“FOR WHAT MR. TEDDY BEAR?”
“This….this…this, love.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
At this very moment in time, Mr. Teddy Bear pulls a knife from behind his back.
“MR. TEDDY BEAR, MY MOTHER WILL BE VERY ANGRY AND TAKE YOU AWAY IF YOU DON’T PUT HER CHEF’S KNIFE BACK IN THE KITCHEN DRAWER.”
“Stab…stab….stab, love.”
Before I could speak, Mr. Teddy Bear’s knife struck through my heart in a million different ways in less than a minute. Blood begins to pool around me, as I see a light tunnel and fire, amidst a black backdrop.
“Ha….ha….ha, love.”
My last word is:
“WHY?”
No response. I am alone. No one hears my desperate cry to be accepted, to be invited, and to be nursed back to happiness in the life that I truly longed for all along.
“Bye…bye….bye, love.”